THE LONG ISLAND INSTITUTE OF SEX THERAPY
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Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy (LIIST)

Month: May 2014

21st Century Rewards

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Parents often ask me about helping their teen become a responsible adult. I almost always explain that, just like children, adults are always seeking rewards.

As adults, however, we take our reward granting to ourselves as a given. If I am having trouble getting out the door for my daily walk, I can reward myself with a coffee at the Starbucks en route. If a teen is having difficulty loading the dishwasher on time, it’s often difficult for parents to consider rewards for completing the desired task but somehow easier to think of a punishment for not doing so.

I often hear that this isn’t something a child should be rewarded for and that it’s just expected as a contribution to the family. I call BS on this– wouldn’t you be infinitely more likely to scrub the toilet if you knew a reward was on the other end for you?

It’s important to remember in this consumerist age, though, that rewards DO NOT have to be purchased. Sometimes a simple, genuine, “thank you” is a reward in and of itself. Sometimes leeway given in one aspect can make up for doing a chore. With all the electronic stimulation we seek so desperately, extra “screen time” can invigorate someone to do something, even if begrudgingly.

Throughout it all, remember that as a parent you are raising children to be responsible and happy members of society– which includes finishing tasks and reaping the benefits (like WiFi). 

Depression

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This is an outstanding comic from hyperbole and a half depicting and discussing what it feels like to be depressed and the beginnings of what it’s like as the rainbows come back again.

” And that’s the most frustrating thing about depression. It isn’t always something you can fight back against with hope. It isn’t even something — it’s nothing. And you can’t combat nothing. You can’t fill it up. You can’t cover it. It’s just there, pulling the meaning out of everything. That being the case, all the hopeful, proactive solutions start to sound completely insane in contrast to the scope of the problem.”

#LetsTalkAboutIt

What to do when your kids walk in on you

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From the wonderful Logan levkoff:

“What happens if my kids walk in on us having sex?” And it’s not just something that I see in my practice; 17 percent of moms inSheKnows’ “Secret Life of Moms” survey have admitted to being interrupted while in the throes of passion. So while that may seem mortifying, the likelihood is that it can (and just may) happen at some point in your life. So prepare accordingly.

#1 Don’t panic. You really don’t know what they saw (or heard). (Yes, I’ve been walked in on. My kid didn’t bat an eyelash; she just wanted breakfast.)

Read more…

Should You Go To Sex Therapy?

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“I can’t believe how long we waited to get help!” is the most frequent comment I hear from sex therapy graduates.  Second only to the comments about my consulting room, “oh it looks just like a living room.”  Third to the comment, “I didn’t know these feelings were normal.” I think people are afraid that a sex therapy room is a cross between a gynecological exam room and the Red room.  Actually, there are no exams, no nudity and certainly no sexual touching.  Sex therapy is a branch of traditional psychotherapy and is only “talk therapy.”

Read more: http://m.psychologytoday.com/blog/married-and-still-doing-it/201211/should-we-see-sex-therapist

Women Get Women Off Better

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Women in general are more likely to experience orgasm when “sex” includes kissing, non-genital touching, receiving¬†oral sex, genital-manual stimulation, and use of sex toys– all behaviors more engaged in by women having sex with women.

Why Libido Should Not Ride Shotgun

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From Janne Robinson, we get a brutally frank discussion about the pulling forces when libido attempts to take the lead in your life. “Without love sex is like a grade six dance where our souls hold each other two feet away so we may engage at a distance- without the vulnerability, without the scariness, without intertwining our souls in salty, sweaty, sweet togetherness. The space between us makes it safe and also lacking of all the joy making love can be.” Well put- as is her advice: “Knowing our intent before we engage with another person is powerful and important. It’s never worth compromising your heart, or body if what you desire is not mutually shared with another person.