Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy (LIIST)

fathering

Therapy by Phone or Video Chat [Can Suck]. Here’s How to Make It Better.

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LIIST has been providing video therapy for years. We do still think in-person sessions are best because we believe we can better attune with our clients. This pandemic has encouraged all of our sessions to move to video. So far, we are very happy with the results.

person holding MacBook in car with black interior
person holding MacBook in car with black interior

Our greatest concern for the feasibility of online sessions was with regard to couples. In our sessions with couples, we have figured out some great workarounds. One of our favorite new techniques is to have each partner participate from separate devices in separate parts of a home. Interestingly, we are finding that couples are doing a better job of turn-taking in conversations during these video therapy sessions!

This article in Vice by Caitlin Flynn outlines more ideas for continuing to ensure you’re getting the most out of your video therapy sessions.

Looking for some support?

If you would like some support for your relationship, or your sex life, feel free to reach out to us. LIIST has an outstanding team of therapists. We specialize in helping individuals, couples and relationships navigate difficult times.

How to Tell Your Partner You Want to Go to Couples Therapy

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Dr. Torrisi is quoted in this Vice article with some great advice about bringing up this important conversation and what to do if you partner is resistant.

Q&A at Jericho High School

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Rosara Torrisi, 2015 Best Sex Therapist on Long Island, was recently invited and presented to a group of high school students in Jericho for the second year in a row. All of the students were eager to ask sexologist, Rosara Torrisi about her work as a therapist, her work as a sex therapist, and some education about healthy sexuality. Here are some of the questions and answers. Continue reading

21st Century Rewards

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Parents often ask me about helping their teen become a responsible adult. I almost always explain that, just like children, adults are always seeking rewards.

As adults, however, we take our reward granting to ourselves as a given. If I am having trouble getting out the door for my daily walk, I can reward myself with a coffee at the Starbucks en route. If a teen is having difficulty loading the dishwasher on time, it’s often difficult for parents to consider rewards for completing the desired task but somehow easier to think of a punishment for not doing so.

I often hear that this isn’t something a child should be rewarded for and that it’s just expected as a contribution to the family. I call BS on this– wouldn’t you be infinitely more likely to scrub the toilet if you knew a reward was on the other end for you?

It’s important to remember in this consumerist age, though, that rewards DO NOT have to be purchased. Sometimes a simple, genuine, “thank you” is a reward in and of itself. Sometimes leeway given in one aspect can make up for doing a chore. With all the electronic stimulation we seek so desperately, extra “screen time” can invigorate someone to do something, even if begrudgingly.

Throughout it all, remember that as a parent you are raising children to be responsible and happy members of society– which includes finishing tasks and reaping the benefits (like WiFi). 

What to do when your kids walk in on you

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From the wonderful Logan levkoff:

“What happens if my kids walk in on us having sex?” And it’s not just something that I see in my practice; 17 percent of moms inSheKnows’ “Secret Life of Moms” survey have admitted to being interrupted while in the throes of passion. So while that may seem mortifying, the likelihood is that it can (and just may) happen at some point in your life. So prepare accordingly.

#1 Don’t panic. You really don’t know what they saw (or heard). (Yes, I’ve been walked in on. My kid didn’t bat an eyelash; she just wanted breakfast.)

Read more…

New Parents

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You tirelessly plan for everything within your power to keep your child safe and happy. You spend countless hours thinking over how to raise your child in an uncertain world. You take days to shop around and research the best crib, stroller, diapers, pediatrician, day care, and kindergarten teacher. Have you thought about how important your relationship is to the happiness and well-being of your child? Whether this is your first child or the youngest of many, come join us for a workshop on how to enhance your relationship to withstand the strains of parenting and enjoy the wealth of your family for a lifetime together.

Sunday, April 14th, from 2-4pm at the Plainview Holiday Inn. $30 per person. Call 516-690-6779 or e-mail RosaraTorrisiLMSW@gmail.com to RESERVE YOUR SPOT TODAY!

Seven Tips for Families with Newborns

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  1. You Are Not Alone!

    • Having a baby is a moderate to severe crisis that all parents go through.
  1. You can build the skills to keep a healthy family.
    • Therapy may use role plays, examples, research information, and communication exercises to help deepen your friendship, manage conflicts constructively, share values, heal distress, and enhance healthy patterns.
    • “The greatest gift a couple can give their baby is a loving relationship.”
  2. Delight in responding to your new baby.
    • In playing with your baby, it is important to stay emotionally warm and available. Stay responsive to your baby’s cues, slow down, repair overstimulation.
  3. Cool down conflicts.
    • Everyone has the best of intentions after their babies are born.
    • Getting sleep deprived, tired, and crabby is normal! We lose our sense of humor and can’t cope as well. We may feel more out of control than usual just as we have more anxiety about our responsibilities, persevere!
    • Do not fight in front of infants; Have a problem-solving meeting.
  4. Savor each other by building a strong friendship and a zesty sex life.
    • “Sexual intimacy arises from emotional intimacy. And emotional intimacy comes from partners making the effort to find each other through the maze of duties to perform. When partners feel cherished and appreciated, affection comes naturally… Then romance and passion can reawaken.”
    • Touch Often! Go on Dates!
  5. Warm fathering is wonderful.
    • Divvy up tasks and beware of cultural messages pushing father’s away.
  6. Create an intentional legacy.
    • Make choices with purposeful awareness and intention.

Adapted from And Baby Makes Three by John Gottman and Julie Gottman

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