THE LONG ISLAND INSTITUTE OF SEX THERAPY
(516) 690-6779

Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy (LIIST)

parenting

About Rachel Hoffman, LMSW

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Rachel Hoffman is a licensed social worker who has considerable experience working with teens and young adults. With an eclectic therapy style, Rachel has treated people with symptoms of depression and anxiety, especially those going through life-transitions such as break-ups, divorce or the death of a loved one.

Rachel is also a contributing writer for Elite Daily, focusing on the influence of technology on dating. Rachel ran an initiative for single parents living in the Queens area and run support groups for single parents and their children. Additionally, Rachel assists patients as a social worker on both the Oncology and Obstetrics units at the NYU Langone Medical Center.

Rachel is a member of both AASECT and NASW and is currently in graduate school earning her PhD in Human Sexuality.

This is the home that love built

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I rarely post something religious, but I found this meditation to resonate with my practice as a therapist for couples, relationships and individuals. What are your thoughts? How does love fortify your home? How is your home a refuge for you and your family? What joys and sorrys and mundane tasks has your home held you through? Sundays aren’t the only Sabbath days, how do you make time to care for yourself in whatever way is needed by you?

The Home That Love Made
Amanda Poppei

This is the home that love made.

It is full of the love that the founders felt, when they planned out these walls and raised these beams above us.

This is the home that love made.

It is full of the love of all who have worshipped here; those who have celebrated and grieved here; the babies dedicated, couples married, and family members mourned here.

This is the home that love made.

It is full of the love of our children, as they learn and laugh together, and our youth, as they grow into their own sense of purpose and meaning.

This is the home that love made.

It is full of the love of the staff who have served it, full of their hopes for this congregation, their hard work and their acts of dedication.

This is the home that love made.

It is full of the love of the choir, the love made so clear in the voices lifted here on Sunday morning.

This is the home that love made.

It is full of our love, the love of this community, despite our differences and our disagreements, the love that holds us together as a people.

This is the home that love made. Can you feel it?

May the love be with us always.

View this entry on UUA.org

21st Century Rewards

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Parents often ask me about helping their teen become a responsible adult. I almost always explain that, just like children, adults are always seeking rewards.

As adults, however, we take our reward granting to ourselves as a given. If I am having trouble getting out the door for my daily walk, I can reward myself with a coffee at the Starbucks en route. If a teen is having difficulty loading the dishwasher on time, it’s often difficult for parents to consider rewards for completing the desired task but somehow easier to think of a punishment for not doing so.

I often hear that this isn’t something a child should be rewarded for and that it’s just expected as a contribution to the family. I call BS on this– wouldn’t you be infinitely more likely to scrub the toilet if you knew a reward was on the other end for you?

It’s important to remember in this consumerist age, though, that rewards DO NOT have to be purchased. Sometimes a simple, genuine, “thank you” is a reward in and of itself. Sometimes leeway given in one aspect can make up for doing a chore. With all the electronic stimulation we seek so desperately, extra “screen time” can invigorate someone to do something, even if begrudgingly.

Throughout it all, remember that as a parent you are raising children to be responsible and happy members of society– which includes finishing tasks and reaping the benefits (like WiFi). 

What to do when your kids walk in on you

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From the wonderful Logan levkoff:

“What happens if my kids walk in on us having sex?” And it’s not just something that I see in my practice; 17 percent of moms inSheKnows’ “Secret Life of Moms” survey have admitted to being interrupted while in the throes of passion. So while that may seem mortifying, the likelihood is that it can (and just may) happen at some point in your life. So prepare accordingly.

#1 Don’t panic. You really don’t know what they saw (or heard). (Yes, I’ve been walked in on. My kid didn’t bat an eyelash; she just wanted breakfast.)

Read more…

Harmful Messages

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This ad does a great job of easily displaying the dichotomy of societal views of men and women in the workplace, the double-standards which we all have to contend with, but it misses the important note that the messages men receive are just as harmful. Either way, take a look. If you’re having difficulty balancing your roles in the office, with your family and with your friends, reach out for support and call Rosara Torrisi at 516-690-6770 to schedule an appointment today.

Gay Couples Lead Marriage in to the 21st Century

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What if the critics are correct…What if same-sex marriage does change marriage, but primarily for the better?

By providing a new model of how two people can live together equitably, same-sex marriage could help haul matrimony more fully into the 21st century. Although marriage is in many ways fairer and more pleasurable for both men and women than it once was, it hasn’t entirely thrown off old notions and habits. As a result, many men and women enter into it burdened with assumptions and stereotypes that create stress and resentment. Others, confronted with these increasingly anachronistic expectations—expectations at odds with the economic and practical realities of their own lives—don’t enter into it at all.

Read more in the Atlantic article. 

New Parents

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You tirelessly plan for everything within your power to keep your child safe and happy. You spend countless hours thinking over how to raise your child in an uncertain world. You take days to shop around and research the best crib, stroller, diapers, pediatrician, day care, and kindergarten teacher. Have you thought about how important your relationship is to the happiness and well-being of your child? Whether this is your first child or the youngest of many, come join us for a workshop on how to enhance your relationship to withstand the strains of parenting and enjoy the wealth of your family for a lifetime together.

Sunday, April 14th, from 2-4pm at the Plainview Holiday Inn. $30 per person. Call 516-690-6779 or e-mail RosaraTorrisiLMSW@gmail.com to RESERVE YOUR SPOT TODAY!

Seven Tips for Families with Newborns

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  1. You Are Not Alone!

    • Having a baby is a moderate to severe crisis that all parents go through.
  1. You can build the skills to keep a healthy family.
    • Therapy may use role plays, examples, research information, and communication exercises to help deepen your friendship, manage conflicts constructively, share values, heal distress, and enhance healthy patterns.
    • “The greatest gift a couple can give their baby is a loving relationship.”
  2. Delight in responding to your new baby.
    • In playing with your baby, it is important to stay emotionally warm and available. Stay responsive to your baby’s cues, slow down, repair overstimulation.
  3. Cool down conflicts.
    • Everyone has the best of intentions after their babies are born.
    • Getting sleep deprived, tired, and crabby is normal! We lose our sense of humor and can’t cope as well. We may feel more out of control than usual just as we have more anxiety about our responsibilities, persevere!
    • Do not fight in front of infants; Have a problem-solving meeting.
  4. Savor each other by building a strong friendship and a zesty sex life.
    • “Sexual intimacy arises from emotional intimacy. And emotional intimacy comes from partners making the effort to find each other through the maze of duties to perform. When partners feel cherished and appreciated, affection comes naturally… Then romance and passion can reawaken.”
    • Touch Often! Go on Dates!
  5. Warm fathering is wonderful.
    • Divvy up tasks and beware of cultural messages pushing father’s away.
  6. Create an intentional legacy.
    • Make choices with purposeful awareness and intention.

Adapted from And Baby Makes Three by John Gottman and Julie Gottman