THE LONG ISLAND INSTITUTE OF SEX THERAPY
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Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy (LIIST)

sexuality

Why Libido Should Not Ride Shotgun

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From Janne Robinson, we get a brutally frank discussion about the pulling forces when libido attempts to take the lead in your life. “Without love sex is like a grade six dance where our souls hold each other two feet away so we may engage at a distance- without the vulnerability, without the scariness, without intertwining our souls in salty, sweaty, sweet togetherness. The space between us makes it safe and also lacking of all the joy making love can be.” Well put- as is her advice: “Knowing our intent before we engage with another person is powerful and important. It’s never worth compromising your heart, or body if what you desire is not mutually shared with another person.

Q & A re: Squirting

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Question:
A few weeks ago a friend told me that she is very embarrassed that she squirts when her boyfriend goes down on her. Is there a way she can stop squirting?

Rosara’s Answer:
I would suggest that moreso than looking to stop something her body is doing naturally she consider exploring her feelings about ejaculating during oral sex. If it’s something that is causing her considerable distress, even after exploring and resolving the influence of social pressures/norms, then she can likely learn through sex therapy ways in which to prevent her ejaculations during oral sex. I rarely counsel clients to close off sexual experiences unless they cause unwanted harm to themselves or others. I believe what may be most helpful for this young woman would be to work closely with a therapist on discussing her thoughts and feelings surrounding these experiences, her own reactions, the reactions of her partners, etc. and then coming to her own informed conclusions about whether she would like to stop experiencing her body’s natural reaction to receiving pleasure from oral sex. In the meantime, if she’d like to stop ejaculating and only does so during oral sex, for the time being, she might consider not engaging in oral sex with a partner.

Post-Partum Sex

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Have you had a baby recently? Take a peek at these great tips from A Woman’s Touch about healing your perineum, re-strengthening pelvic muscles, breast issues, vaginal pain issues, and low sex drive. If you’d like to read more, I suggest reading And Baby Makes Three for strengthening relationships, Your Orgasmic Pregnancy for women who are pregnant, and Hot Mamas for women who are pregnant or new mothers.

Porn versus Real Sex

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Just as there is a difference between fantasies and what you want to do in real life, there is a large difference between sex portrayed in pornography and real sex. Here is a great video, using fruits and vegetables, depicting what some of the differences are.

Holding On To Your Sexuality With Breast Cancer Treatment

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There has been a heightened awareness of breast cancer lately– with Angelina Jolie’s double mastectomy and the conversations and rebuttals since– so here is a timely column written  by Rosara Torrisi with advice for holding on to your sexuality while undergoing treatment for breast cancer. 

For more information, take a look at these books:

  • “The Lovin’ Ain’t Over for Women with Cancer” by Barbara and Ralph Alterowitz
  • “Woman Cancer Sex” by Anne Katz
  • “I Am Not My Breast Cancer” by Ruth Peltason

Also, consider these Web sites: