With so much going on in the world today, you might have multiple issues weighing on you. Pressures at work, worries about your family, or health concerns are all common. They can trigger anxiety that causes physical reactions, including rapid heartbeat and hyperventilation.

If these sound familiar, check out the Insider article How to deal with overwhelming anxiety: 6 skills from therapists for regulating your emotions. Reviewed by our therapist John Mutziger, it offers tips on how to combat anxiety and lower your stress level.

The post Having a hard time with anxiety? appeared first on Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy (LIIST).

Our greatest concern for the feasibility of online sessions was with regard to couples. In our sessions with couples, we have figured out some great workarounds. One of our favorite new techniques is to have each partner participate from separate devices in separate parts of a home. Interestingly, we are finding that couples are doing a better job of turn-taking in conversations during these video therapy sessions!

This article in Vice by Caitlin Flynn outlines more ideas for continuing to ensure you’re getting the most out of your video therapy sessions.

Looking for some support?

If you would like some support for your relationship, or your sex life, feel free to reach out to us. LIIST has an outstanding team of therapists. We specialize in helping individuals, couples and relationships navigate difficult times.

The post Therapy by Phone or Video Chat [Can Suck]. Here’s How to Make It Better. appeared first on Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy (LIIST).

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What this article seems to miss is the more important issue of shame. Guilt and shame are somewhat different but what’s important about shame is that it moves from the act to the person. Shame becomes internalized as a reflection of one’s whole self.

Excessive shame or shame in key areas of identity (such as sexuality or bodily functions) degrades one’s concept of self. This degradation is a perfect incubator for both mood disorders and personality disorders. If someone lacks a strong sense of self, they don’t believe in their ability to succeed– whether in the boardroom or the bedroom.

A degradation of a sexual sense of self through internalized shame is something many experience, especially women and LGBT individuals. This internalized sexual and bodily shame is at the core of many sexual difficulties. Sexuality disorders such as difficulties reaching orgasm and even sexual pain disorders are common results of internalized shame.

Along with mood disorders and sexuality related disorders, researchers have also found links between internalized shame and physical health. Racism has has been found to lead to poor cardiac health. Internalized homophobia can result in higher rates of cancer.

What we experience as “just” psychological can have cascading emotional and physical affects.

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Question: What types of clients do you work with most often?

Answer: Interestingly, for the whole time I’ve been in practice, half of my clients are couples and half of them are individuals. About half identify as female and half identify as male, with trans men and trans women included. Many of my clients are exploring gender identity as well as sexual orientation. The majority of the couples I’m working with fall in to three general categories: couples 55+ who have decided to call it quits on their dull or nonexistent sex lives, couples who are around the time of having their first children and are experiencing new sexual difficulties, and couples who are struggling together through a chronic illness such as Multiple Sclerosis or Breast Cancer and are seeking to maintain their intimate connections. The majority of individuals I work with are struggling with low sexual desire, sexual pain, sexual compulsivity, and erectile dysfunction.

Question: What’s your favorite type of client?

Answer: I honestly enjoy working with all of my clients. As a therapist in private practice, I have the ability to work with a vast array of clients on many different issues, so I never get bored. As a social worker, one of my favorite therapeutic skills is integrating health care services for my clients, so I happily spend the extra time working with clients who require the coordination with other professionals such as gynecologists, oncologists, acupuncturists, physical therapists, pelvic physical therapists, urologists, nutritionists, health coaches, primary physicians, couples therapists, individual therapists, psychiatrists, chiropractors, attorneys, etc. (pointer: my Long Island favorites in their respective fields can be found on my website).

Question: Why do some people like to be hurt during sex?

Answer: If you think of sex as the adult version of the playground, then you can start to see that sex can be fun, it can be freeing, it can be bonding, and it can be playful. Within the realm of a playground, anything is allowed to happen so long as it is safe, sane and consensual. If someone wants to be the alligator in the moat while others are knights attempting to break in to the castle, then go for it! Play is how we learn the boundaries of ourselves and each other, it is where we can transcend into other realms in a safe way. There are tremendous avenues for both physical and emotional pain that isn’t safe, sane or consensual which is why communication is essential. As a sex therapist, I am always assisting clients in enhancing their communication of their thoughts, feelings, wants and needs in order to improve both their physical and emotional intimacy.

Question: If I’m being intimate with someone and I’m okay with what’s happening and then we keep going and I don’t want to go anymore, am I allowed to say no?

Answer: Absolutely, positively, without a doubt—Yes! No, for real, means NO! This latest post using the example of tea explains it all—to the T.

Question: If a girl has sex with more than 5 people, does that make her a slut?

Answer: As a professor in my PhD program at Widener University’s Center for Human Sexuality Studies has said, a slut is someone who has sex with one more person than the person doing the judging. No one is a slut. If you find empowerment in using the word slut to define your sexuality, then use it. If you aren’t fond of the word slut, then don’t ever allow someone’s ill-understood words to tarnish your self-worth! Your sexuality is yours—as is your sexual pleasure.

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” And that’s the most frustrating thing about depression. It isn’t always something you can fight back against with hope. It isn’t even something — it’s nothing. And you can’t combat nothing. You can’t fill it up. You can’t cover it. It’s just there, pulling the meaning out of everything. That being the case, all the hopeful, proactive solutions start to sound completely insane in contrast to the scope of the problem.”

#LetsTalkAboutIt

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