Our greatest concern for the feasibility of online sessions was with regard to couples. In our sessions with couples, we have figured out some great workarounds. One of our favorite new techniques is to have each partner participate from separate devices in separate parts of a home. Interestingly, we are finding that couples are doing a better job of turn-taking in conversations during these video therapy sessions!

This article in Vice by Caitlin Flynn outlines more ideas for continuing to ensure you’re getting the most out of your video therapy sessions.

Looking for some support?

If you would like some support for your relationship, or your sex life, feel free to reach out to us. LIIST has an outstanding team of therapists. We specialize in helping individuals, couples and relationships navigate difficult times.

The post Therapy by Phone or Video Chat [Can Suck]. Here’s How to Make It Better. appeared first on Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy (LIIST).

The post How to Tell Your Partner You Want to Go to Couples Therapy appeared first on Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy (LIIST).

Question: What types of clients do you work with most often?

Answer: Interestingly, for the whole time I’ve been in practice, half of my clients are couples and half of them are individuals. About half identify as female and half identify as male, with trans men and trans women included. Many of my clients are exploring gender identity as well as sexual orientation. The majority of the couples I’m working with fall in to three general categories: couples 55+ who have decided to call it quits on their dull or nonexistent sex lives, couples who are around the time of having their first children and are experiencing new sexual difficulties, and couples who are struggling together through a chronic illness such as Multiple Sclerosis or Breast Cancer and are seeking to maintain their intimate connections. The majority of individuals I work with are struggling with low sexual desire, sexual pain, sexual compulsivity, and erectile dysfunction.

Question: What’s your favorite type of client?

Answer: I honestly enjoy working with all of my clients. As a therapist in private practice, I have the ability to work with a vast array of clients on many different issues, so I never get bored. As a social worker, one of my favorite therapeutic skills is integrating health care services for my clients, so I happily spend the extra time working with clients who require the coordination with other professionals such as gynecologists, oncologists, acupuncturists, physical therapists, pelvic physical therapists, urologists, nutritionists, health coaches, primary physicians, couples therapists, individual therapists, psychiatrists, chiropractors, attorneys, etc. (pointer: my Long Island favorites in their respective fields can be found on my website).

Question: Why do some people like to be hurt during sex?

Answer: If you think of sex as the adult version of the playground, then you can start to see that sex can be fun, it can be freeing, it can be bonding, and it can be playful. Within the realm of a playground, anything is allowed to happen so long as it is safe, sane and consensual. If someone wants to be the alligator in the moat while others are knights attempting to break in to the castle, then go for it! Play is how we learn the boundaries of ourselves and each other, it is where we can transcend into other realms in a safe way. There are tremendous avenues for both physical and emotional pain that isn’t safe, sane or consensual which is why communication is essential. As a sex therapist, I am always assisting clients in enhancing their communication of their thoughts, feelings, wants and needs in order to improve both their physical and emotional intimacy.

Question: If I’m being intimate with someone and I’m okay with what’s happening and then we keep going and I don’t want to go anymore, am I allowed to say no?

Answer: Absolutely, positively, without a doubt—Yes! No, for real, means NO! This latest post using the example of tea explains it all—to the T.

Question: If a girl has sex with more than 5 people, does that make her a slut?

Answer: As a professor in my PhD program at Widener University’s Center for Human Sexuality Studies has said, a slut is someone who has sex with one more person than the person doing the judging. No one is a slut. If you find empowerment in using the word slut to define your sexuality, then use it. If you aren’t fond of the word slut, then don’t ever allow someone’s ill-understood words to tarnish your self-worth! Your sexuality is yours—as is your sexual pleasure.

The post Q&A at Jericho High School appeared first on Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy (LIIST).

As adults, however, we take our reward granting to ourselves as a given. If I am having trouble getting out the door for my daily walk, I can reward myself with a coffee at the Starbucks en route. If a teen is having difficulty loading the dishwasher on time, it’s often difficult for parents to consider rewards for completing the desired task but somehow easier to think of a punishment for not doing so.

I often hear that this isn’t something a child should be rewarded for and that it’s just expected as a contribution to the family. I call BS on this– wouldn’t you be infinitely more likely to scrub the toilet if you knew a reward was on the other end for you?

It’s important to remember in this consumerist age, though, that rewards DO NOT have to be purchased. Sometimes a simple, genuine, “thank you” is a reward in and of itself. Sometimes leeway given in one aspect can make up for doing a chore. With all the electronic stimulation we seek so desperately, extra “screen time” can invigorate someone to do something, even if begrudgingly.

Throughout it all, remember that as a parent you are raising children to be responsible and happy members of society– which includes finishing tasks and reaping the benefits (like WiFi). 

The post 21st Century Rewards appeared first on Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy (LIIST).

“What happens if my kids walk in on us having sex?” And it’s not just something that I see in my practice; 17 percent of moms inSheKnows’ “Secret Life of Moms” survey have admitted to being interrupted while in the throes of passion. So while that may seem mortifying, the likelihood is that it can (and just may) happen at some point in your life. So prepare accordingly.

#1 Don’t panic. You really don’t know what they saw (or heard). (Yes, I’ve been walked in on. My kid didn’t bat an eyelash; she just wanted breakfast.)

Read more…

The post What to do when your kids walk in on you appeared first on Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy (LIIST).

The post New Parents appeared first on Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy (LIIST).

1. You Are Not Alone!

• Having a baby is a moderate to severe crisis that all parents go through.

2. You can build the skills to keep a healthy family.
• Therapy may use role plays, examples, research information, and communication exercises to help deepen your friendship, manage conflicts constructively, share values, heal distress, and enhance healthy patterns.
• “The greatest gift a couple can give their baby is a loving relationship.”
3. Delight in responding to your new baby.
• In playing with your baby, it is important to stay emotionally warm and available. Stay responsive to your baby’s cues, slow down, repair overstimulation.
4. Cool down conflicts.
• Everyone has the best of intentions after their babies are born.
• Getting sleep deprived, tired, and crabby is normal! We lose our sense of humor and can’t cope as well. We may feel more out of control than usual just as we have more anxiety about our responsibilities, persevere!
• Do not fight in front of infants; Have a problem-solving meeting.
5. Savor each other by building a strong friendship and a zesty sex life.
• “Sexual intimacy arises from emotional intimacy. And emotional intimacy comes from partners making the effort to find each other through the maze of duties to perform. When partners feel cherished and appreciated, affection comes naturally… Then romance and passion can reawaken.”
• Touch Often! Go on Dates!
6. Warm fathering is wonderful.
• Divvy up tasks and beware of cultural messages pushing father’s away.
7. Create an intentional legacy.
• Make choices with purposeful awareness and intention.

The post Seven Tips for Families with Newborns appeared first on Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy (LIIST).